In 2017 I released Sexology, a documentary on female pleasure. We discussed the concept of Orgasmic Birth and learned that this was not some New Age fantasy but an actual practice.

I, myself while birthing my second, candle lit in the bath tub, felt a fine line between the pain and a pleasure that seemed just out of reach. It was a specific moment in the rather swift delivery, as the Ring of Fire crested, Baby’s head crowning, that I felt that certain aroused sensation in the clitoral tissue surrounding the labia. I was so caught in surprise that I didn’t focus on it, nor attempt in any way to stimulate the sensation, as my midwife simultaneously announced that she could see the head and it was time to push. In other parts of the world where C-sections are rare and vaginal births at home or in birth centers the norm, there are multitudes of ways to labor and birth, far from the American standard.

In some practices women and or their partners are encouraged to self-pleasure during labor to stimulate contractions rather than the use of Pitocin which limits Mama to a static labor and birth. It is strongly encouraged, unless there are complications, that during labor, Mama be free to move around for her own comfort, utilizing gravity to aid Baby’s decent through the birth canal.

It appears that in the US our births are scheduled and assisted to meet the needs of the health practitioners rather than the needs of the mother or even baby. Don’t be bamboozled by your hospital into a Birth Plan that does not serve you and Baby first. Read as much as you can before you decide how you feel most comfortable laboring and birthing and the aftercare of your Baby. There are Birth Plan checklists available for download, and insist that you tour the birthing facilities early on in your pregnancy so you give yourself time to change your mind and find a new location to birth your baby if you chose.

For example, if you want your baby to be directly given to you after he is born, then you must specify this in your plan, so that the nurses don’t swoop him off to be cleaned up, weighed and measured, and pricked and poked. There is no need for them to whisk your baby away from you until you have had significant time to bond, skin on skin, in a calm, quiet environment. Unless there is cause for concern, weighing and measuring, and everything else can wait.

When in doubt with what you want, put yourself in baby’s booties. How would you want your first experiences of the world to be viewed, heard, smelled, felt? When planning for my children, I knew I wanted the least invasive experience as possible. I wanted the transition from the dark, quiet, warm liquid womb to be as seamless as possible. I did not want a stranger wearing rubber gloves, grabbing at his skin to be the first thing my baby felt, nor the bright lights of a delivery room, nor the sterility, chemical scents or unfamiliar voices. I also was certain, unless there were serious complications that I didn’t want any narcotics in my baby’s blood. The hospital with its routine constraints was my Plan Z, so undesirable was their birthing system, although I was grateful that I had a hospital I could rely on should something have come up that posed a problem. I reminded myself while I was planning the births that there was a lineage of warrior women who had given birth for centuries before me, without the need for medical intervention. I wanted to honor that inner warrior, as part of my journey and many years later those three births were the proudest days of my life.

Whatever you decide upon, an orgasmic, candle-lit water birth or scheduled Csection, enlist your partner as your wingman during the labor, birth and post birth. Have a clear, well thought out plan, that he/she can implement even if the hospital staff are far from your adversaries.

Your priority is the health and wellbeing of you and Baby, not the OBGYN.