Co-Parenting

by Gabrielle Anwar

Baby Daddy (or female partner) can seem somewhat superfluous in the first few weeks after birth. Afterall his/her nipples don’t produce milk, which is rather frustrating at times. Like 3am for example.

Baby seems to want to be exclusively with mummy at first so that all her needs can be met. And daddy may start feeling a little scorned by your sudden dismissal of his value. Not to mention your body being commandeered by Baby all day and night.

Your full attention has been sequestered, and you might appear a little undone. You may be recovering from a C-Section, or episiotomy, etc, and your breasts are giant, sore rocks adhered to your chest.

It is a great practice to put your partner to work at this time, if and when they are present. He can be of use preparing three square meals and snacks for you, constantly replenishing your water bottle, to keep you hydrated. He can hold Baby while you shower and dress, go to the loo, and run you both a bath at the end of the day. Cups of tea are always cheery, and if he can make banana bread then you’re going to be OK.

Create a schedule around his work that best supports you and Baby. And remember to express your gratitude for him and all he is able to contribute while you focus on your child.

Include him in your parenting choices, ask for his opinion, discuss the situation together. Be careful not to dismiss his perspective and discourage him, even though your roles seem terribly out of balance at this time.

There’s no need to critique his disposition with Baby. Allow him to develop his own unique relationship with her, without your constant instruction.

He, no doubt is very sensitive to scrutiny as you will be highly tuned to the safety and well being of Baby. But, calm down around Baby Daddy, take a breath and realize his value is different than yours. Remember why you chose him to procreate in the first place, reminisce your romance, your life together before this enormous change.

Date Night can be introduced as soon as you feel you have a trusted care giver to be with Baby, and that you feel comfortable leaving her. It may take weeks to feel confidant, so trust your instincts, regardless of how much you’d appreciate a romantic date with your lover!

The sooner you can find a place to revive your intimacy with your partner, the more Baby will respond to the love suffusing her environment. As we have mentioned, Baby is extremely sensitive to the space surrounding her, and if there is love expressed between you and her father, and the three of you, the safer she will feel.

Plan dates that are exciting, even if you are exhausted. Maybe shave your legs. Try not to talk Baby on your date, go to your favorite restaurant that’s not so family orientated – Sometimes being on a date can be compromised if there’s a fussy baby at the table beside you, when you are endeavoring to separate from such stress for an hour or two.

Put on a slinky dress, relish in the feminine. Ignore all women’s liberation for a night and accentuate your burgeoning breasts with some fabulous lingerie, squeeze into some heels, and embody the siren.

I was so excited to actually have breasts while I was nursing that I didn’t know what to do with them. They seemed to belong to my baby, but Baby Daddy has a very different perspective.

Enjoy your new body, make the most of these few months of curves and abundance, reintegrate your lover into his new, powerful role. Ignite romance.

There really ought to be a novel dimension to your lives together now. You are not the carefree, innocent, childless couple you once were. Things got complicated – but they also got much sexier. You now have roots, deep, penetrating, erotic. Your cellular merger grew an entire human between you, and there is no more impassioned symbol of sensuality than the co-creation of your lineage.

There is much more going on beneath the surface of weight gain, fatigue, depression, leaking breasts and sweatpants. In the heroic world of Archetypes and Myth, you are a Goddess who has given birth to the world, and your God longs to worship and adore you.

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